How to deal with a Cat in Heat
By Serge Norguard. Filed in Health/Science, Humour, Personal |
It’s about 0640 hrs at where Serge is right now and yes he is in the office, some what working his ass of for this company that he is in. Stories about that maybe told later, probably after the contract period is over. Anyway, surfing the internet has been proven to be a resourceful way of learning new things and sometimes, what can be learnt is just too damn funny.
After reading an article from Everything2 which tells the readers on what to do when a cat is in heat, Serge laughed his ass off and nearly fell off his office chair. Coincidentally, this office chair is from the same company that his sister is working for. Which to say the least, is that Haworth supplies office furniture to IBM.
The following is taken from this page
Equipment:
* 1 cat in heat
* 1 Q-tipProcedure:
* Grab wailing, squirming cat and place it on your lap with its hind quarters readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them, if not the first time this procedure is followed, then certainly each time afterward.
* Insert the Q-tip into the cat’s vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.
* Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat’s vagina slowly at first, then more rapidly. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip it beats a barbed cat penis digging around in there.
* You are finished when the cat is finished. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it enjoy itself for a few minutes before attempting to retrieve your Q-tip.
* That is it, you are done. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the cat flares up again.
What to look for: The cat orgasm that follows this procedure is something the likes of which I have never seen elsewhere. It is a wriggling, leaping, moaning dance of ecstasy that defies any experience of pleasure my mind can even begin to grasp. If humans had orgasms with the intensity of a cat serviced in this way there would be no such thing as war, hunger, capitalism or God.
Seriously, how the writer puts it is remarkably funny.
* Insert the Q-tip into the cat’s vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.
It just takes the cake.
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